HDTV Daily Programming Guide — Wednesday, September 1, 2004

WEDNESDAY,SEPTEMBER 1,  2004

COMING SOON--FULL HDTV GRID GUIDE WITH 2 WEEKS ADVANCED LOOKUP
 

8:00PM ET/7:00 C
My Wife and Kids

"Illegal Smile"
The day after an anti-wrinkle injection goes awry for Michael and he ends up with an unnatural expression, he has to fight a traffic ticket in court. The judge is angered by his frozen grin and sentences him to a night in jail, where Michael's cell mate, Big Guy (Lou Ferrigno), thinks Michael is coming on to him since he keeps smiling at him.

8:30PM ET/7:30 C
My Wife and Kids

"Romantic Night"
Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other -- but can't find the key -- and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down.

9:00PM ET/8:00 C
The Drew Carey Show

"Love, Sri Lankan Style"
Drew's wayward brother, Steve (guest star John Carroll Lynch) -- who deserted Mimi and moved to Sri Lanka -- returns to Ohio on the sly. Desperate to finally get Mimi out of the house, Drew tries to get her to reconcile with his brother ... there's just one problem - Steve's Sri Lankan girlfriend (guest star Purva Bedi as Padma) has followed him back to the States.

9:30PM ET/8:30 C
The Drew Carey Show

"Knot in the Mood"
As Mimi moves out, Drew prepares to propose to Kellie with her grandmother's engagement ring, but his plan gets put on hold when he discovers that Don and Annette (guest stars Michael Gross, Susan Sullivan), Kellie's parents, are getting a divorce. As Drew struggles to keep this bombshell from Kellie, Lewis steps in to comfort Annette.

No HDTV Tonight.

 

8:00PM ET/7:00 C
Hawaii

"Pilot"
Hawaii can seduce just about anyone -- cops and criminals alike. Murder, drug-running and organized cartels represent a small sample of the big-city casework that the Hawaiian police force confronts. The diverse group of cops and detectives may work against a breathtaking backdrop of jungles and seascapes, but they can never take a vacation from the tangle of local and international criminals who constantly cross their paths. It's never a "typical" crime scene and these are not TV's "typical" cops - which is exactly what makes "Hawaii" so alluring. Welcome to the other side of paradise as the cops probe a bizarre series of decapitations. Michael Biehn ("The Terminator"), Sharif Atkins (NBC's "ER"), Ivan Sergei (NBC's "Crossing Jordan"), Eric Balfour ("Six Feet Under"), Aya Sumika, Cary Tagawa and Peter Navy Tuiasosopo also star. Jeff Eastin is the creator and executive producer. Daniel Sackheim ("The Lyon's Den") directs.

11:34PM ET/10:34 C
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

Lance Armstrong, Paul Teutel Sr. & Jr.,usher

8:00PM ET/7:00 C
Smallville

"Legacy"
When Jonathan (John Schneider) begins to act strangely, Clark (Tom Welling) believes Jor-El is sending Jonathan messages through the key and is the cause for his father's withdrawal from the family. Clark goes down to the caves to confront his biological father but Lionel (John Glover) catches him there and begins putting the pieces together - leading him straight to Dr. Swann (guest star Christopher Reeve). As the two billionaires face off, a deal is struck and Lionel's true motives are revealed.

9:00PM ET/8:00 C
Smallville

"Truth"
When Chloe (Allison Mack) accidentally inhales a mysterious krypto-gas, she discovers it acts as a truth serum to anyone who comes in contact with her and decides to take advantage of her new power by going to the Kents (John Schneider, Annette O'Toole) to find out Clark's (Tom Welling) secret. However, her new power comes with fatal consequences and Clark must find an antidote before she discovers the truth about him or worse, dies.

NO HDTV TONIGHT



 

UPCONVERSIONS STRETCHED

6:00AM ET/5:00 C
Equal Justice

Promises to Keep - Mike James becomes an eyewitness to a murder; Bureau Chief Eugene Rogan sees his personal life start to unravel when his wife Jesse finds a lump in her breast; and Jo Ann Harris savors her first victory in court.

7:00AM ET/6:00 C
Hogan's Heroes - Premiere

The Merry Widow - Hogan gets Col. Klink involved with a seductive underground agent in a scheme to acquire details on a new Nazi land mine.

7:30AM ET/6:30 C
Bette

Or Not to Be - When Bette finds out Tim Curry is in town for a stage production of William Shakespeare's "Hamlet," she pushes her way into the production. Because she is disinterested in learning her lines, she proceeds to ruin the rehearsals, and Tim suggests they move her character's death into the prologue.

8:00AM ET/7:00 C
That's Life

Oh, Baby - Scandal rocks Dolly's campaign thanks to a protest striptease by Lydia and Paulie's decision to have marital relations in public.

9:00AM ET/8:00 C
Higher Definition

Ed Burns, Javier Bardem - Pop-culture writer/host Robert Wilonsky talks with actor Ed Burns about his career and new crime movie Confidence, actor Javier Bardem chats with us about his starring role in John Malkovich's directorial debut The Dancer Upstairs. Plus, previews of what's coming soon in HDNet entertainment.

9:30AM ET/8:30 C
Hollywood HD

Summer Review Special - We feature Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Tom Hanks and a galaxy of summer stars in our Summer Review Special. Find out what these stars and others will be up to next, come on a tour of the "new" Hollywood, and see some of the strangest sights (and people) you'd ever imagine .

10:00AM ET/9:00 C
Across America

Rugby, Beer Festival - This week on Across America: when you just can't quit - rugby for the over-45 set. And beer lovers follow the trail of foam to Denver for the Great American Beer Festival.

10:30AM ET/9:30 C
HDNet News Special Report

2004 Republican National Convention - Featuring California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and First Lady Laura Bush speaking about their party's message of compassion and hope.
Special Encore Presentation

11:30AM ET/10:30 C
HDNet World Report

5600 Ready Reserves Get Called Up - World Report cameras in America visit reservists, many of whom thought their military obligation time had passed. But the needs of the war in Iraq and the continuing conflict in Afghanistan have stretched the limit of active duty troops. Many reservists are having to dust off their uniforms once again to respond to the call of active duty.

12:00PM ET/11:00 C
HDNet World Report

Florida: Orange Juice Getting the Squeeze - World Report cameras are in "The Sunshine State" for an unusual situation where a popular diet is putting Orange Juice "on the outs." The South Beach Diet, named after the Florida locale, bans O.J. in its early stages and that ban seems to be having a dramatic, negative effect on the sale of Orange Juice.

12:30PM ET/11:30 C
Designing America

Possum Kingdom, Pets, and Perfectly Wonderful Junk! - This show will take you from a Western-style dream home on a lake to a traditional suburban dream home with a backyard twist. Gather great tips for those with a flea market obsession and see how one man's pet portrait is another person's prized possession.

1:00PM ET/12:00 C
True Music

MxPx, South FM - The punk rock sound of MxPx headlines today's episode of True Music. Plus, South FM will play their hit national song "Dear Claudia" and you'll understand why these guys have taken off! And don't miss Haji, as they play at the famous Curtain Club in the heart of Dallas' music district.

1:30PM ET/12:30 C
Hogan's Heroes - Premiere

Crittendon's Commandos - Col. Crittendon, the ineffectual commando officer, parachutes into Stalag 13 with a plan to capture a high-ranking enemy officer.

2:00PM ET/1:00 C
In-Laws

Mother's Nature - Patti LuPone plays Matt's outspoken mother, an environmental activist battling Victor over his plans to build on protected wetlands.
HDNet Exclusive: Previously Unaired Episode

2:30PM ET/1:30 C
Philly

Ripley, Believe It or Not - A teen on trial for the murder of her mom's abusive lover has Kathleen rethinking the case-and who did the killing; Will's repeat offender makes an insane attempt to avoid jail time by atacking his own lawyer during sentencing; and Judge Ripley decides to lay down the law with one of City Hall's most available attorneys.

3:30PM ET/2:30 C
Charlie's Angels

Angels In Chains - The entire political and law enforcement hierarchy of a rural town is involved in an extortion-murder scheme which preys on wealthy young women. The half-sister of a missing girl prompts the Angels' investigation of a country prison farm and a nearby small town sheriff.

4:30PM ET/3:30 C
Hollywood HD

Summer Review Special - We feature Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Tom Hanks and a galaxy of summer stars in our Summer Review Special. Find out what these stars and others will be up to next, come on a tour of the "new" Hollywood, and see some of the strangest sights (and people) you'd ever imagine .

5:00PM ET/4:00 C
HDNet World Report

New York City: Safe & Secure? - HDNet cameras are in New York City to see the security preparations and plans for the Republican National Convention which will include appearances by the President and Vice President. Since the attacks of 9/11, security measures throughout America have been given greater focus and support, especially in New York City, ground zero for the attacks. Authorities are taking this convention very seriously as a potential target for terrorists.

5:30PM ET/4:30 C
LIVE! from Central Park SummerStage

DEVO - DEVO took its name from their concept of de-evolution, a view of society as rigid, repressive, and mechanical. With music that echoes these sentiments, DEVO has become a cult sensation for more than three decades, partly because of their mainstream smash single "Whip It".

7:00PM ET/6:00 C
Champ Car World Series on HDNet

Molson Indy Montreal
Special Encore Presentation

9:30PM ET/8:30 C
HDNet World Report

New York City: Safe & Secure? - HDNet cameras are in New York City to see the security preparations and plans for the Republican National Convention which will include appearances by the President and Vice President. Since the attacks of 9/11, security measures throughout America have been given greater focus and support, especially in New York City, ground zero for the attacks. Authorities are taking this convention very seriously as a potential target for terrorists.

10:00PM ET/9:00 C
HDNet News Special Report - LIVE!

2004 Republican National Convention - Featuring Vice President Dick Cheney and Mrs. Lynne Cheney.

11:30PM ET/10:30 C
Champ Car World Series on HDNet

Molson Indy Montreal
Special Encore Presentation

2:00AM ET/1:00 C
HDNet World Report

New York City: Safe & Secure? - HDNet cameras are in New York City to see the security preparations and plans for the Republican National Convention which will include appearances by the President and Vice President. Since the attacks of 9/11, security measures throughout America have been given greater focus and support, especially in New York City, ground zero for the attacks. Authorities are taking this convention very seriously as a potential target for terrorists.

2:30AM ET/1:30 C
HDNet News Special Report

2004 Republican National Convention - Featuring Vice President Dick Cheney and Mrs. Lynne Cheney.
Special Encore Presentation

4:00AM ET/3:00 C
Presidio Med

Do No Harm - Jackie becomes more involved than she wished when the girlfriend of a badly burned fireman reconsiders her decision to marry him. Worried about her age and cancerous ovary, Jules considers using a sperm donor and harvesting her embryo--and Slingerland volunteers to donate

5:00AM ET/4:00 C
Square Pegs

The Stepanowicz Papers - Lauren is head over heels in love, but the unlikely object of her teenaged infatuation could innocently be setting her up for a crushing romantic fall.

5:30AM ET/4:30 C
A Caribbean Workout 2003

In gorgeous Sugar Hill, Barbados features Low Impact aerobics.
 

 
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6:35AM ET/5:35 C
Temptation

NR - 1:33 - 2003
Cast: Colin Friels, Rhondda Findleton, Toby Schmitz Director: Tony Tilse
Two culinary students find love in the kitchen.

8:15AM ET/7:15 C
Made In Heaven

PG - 1:43 - 1987
Cast: Timothy Hutton, Kelly McGillis, Maureen Stapleton Director: Alan Rudolph
Two souls fall in love in heaven and must find each other after being reborn on Earth.

10:00AM ET/9:00 C
King Of The Hill

PG-13 - 1:43 - 1993
Cast: Jesse Bradford, Karen Allen, Elizabeth McGovern Director: Steven Soderbergh
A character study of a young boy living during the depression and his life without his parents.

11:45AM ET/10:45 C
The Great Waldo Pepper

PG - 1:47 - 1975
Cast: Robert Redford, Bo Svenson, Susan Sarandon Director: George Roy Hill
A pilot begins a movie career in an attempt to claim the glory he missed in WWI.

1:35PM ET/12:35 C
Hero At Large

PG - 1:38 - 1980
Cast: John Ritter, Anne Archer, Bert Convy Director: Martin Davidson
An actor tries his luck as a superhero after he accidently stops a crime while dressed in his cape.

3:15PM ET/2:15 C
Temptation

NR - 1:33 - 2003
Cast: Colin Friels, Rhondda Findleton, Toby Schmitz Director: Tony Tilse
Two culinary students find love in the kitchen.

5:00PM ET/4:00 C
Made In Heaven

PG - 1:43 - 1987
Cast: Timothy Hutton, Kelly McGillis, Maureen Stapleton Director: Alan Rudolph
Two souls fall in love in heaven and must find each other after being reborn on Earth.

6:45PM ET/5:45 C
King Of The Hill

PG-13 - 1:43 - 1993
Cast: Jesse Bradford, Karen Allen, Elizabeth McGovern Director: Steven Soderbergh
A character study of a young boy living during the depression and his life without his parents.

8:30PM ET/7:30 C
Everybody's All American

R - 2:06 - 1988
Cast: Jessica Lange, Dennis Quaid, Timothy Hutton Director: Taylor Hackford
Former college football star and his homecoming queen wife struggle with their disappointing marriage and life's tragedies.

10:45PM ET/9:45 C
The Razor's Edge

PG-13 - 2:09 - 1984
Cast: Bill Murray, Theresa Russell, Catherine Hicks Director: John Byrum
After surviving WWI, a young American soldier travels the world searching for the meaning of life.

1:00AM ET/12:00 C
Everybody's All American

R - 2:06 - 1988
Cast: Jessica Lange, Dennis Quaid, Timothy Hutton Director: Taylor Hackford
Former college football star and his homecoming queen wife struggle with their disappointing marriage and life's tragedies.

3:15AM ET/2:15 C
The Razor's Edge

PG-13 - 2:09 - 1984
Cast: Bill Murray, Theresa Russell, Catherine Hicks Director: John Byrum
After surviving WWI, a young American soldier travels the world searching for the meaning of life.

5:30AM ET/4:30 C
Made In Heaven

PG - 1:43 - 1987
Cast: Timothy Hutton, Kelly McGillis, Maureen Stapleton Director: Alan Rudolph
Two souls fall in love in heaven and must find each other after being reborn on Earth.
 

7:15AM ET/6:15 C
The Secret Garden

G Time: 101  
The beloved children's classic comes to the screen as a movie "executed to near perfection" (Variety). When 10-year-old Mary's parents are killed in India, she's sent to live in her uncle's gloomy old mansion. Her life there is gloomy, too, until she discovers an abandoned, locked garden. Aided by a local boy, she nurtures the garden--and her sickly cousin--back to glorious, blooming life. "Elegantly expressive, a discreet and lovely rendering of the children's classic" (Ne

9:00AM ET/8:00 C
American Wedding

TVMA Time: 103  
He's sexually assaulted an apple pie, had a major erotic failure broadcast on the Internet, and even accidentally glued his hand to his private area. So walking down the aisle should be nothing for pastry-loving pariah Jason Biggs in this hysterical third film in the American Pie series, right? Not if Stifler (Seann William Scott) has anything to do with it! After proposing to band-camp bimbo Michelle, hapless Jim (Biggs) enlists help from his family and friends to prepare for the big day. Naturally, the twisted Stifler creates non-stop problems--including a stripper-strewn bachelor party--that leave Kevin, Finch and Jim's dad trying to keep the disaster to a minimum. Eugene Levy, Alyson Hannigan, Thomas Ian Nicholas and Eddie Kaye Thomas co-star. Directed by Jesse Dylan; screenplay by Adam Herz.

10:45AM ET/9:45 C
The Delta Force

R Time: 129  
Chuck Norris leads an elite squadron to rescue American passengers on a hijacked commercial airliner. A flight of American tourists leaves from Athens, Greece when it is taken over by radicals who reroute the plane to Beirut. In an effort to save the passengers, Major Scott McCoy (Norris) leads the Delta Force into the Middle East to confront the terrorists and bring the Americans home. With Lee Marvin, Martin Balsam, Joey Bishop, Robert Forster and Lainie Kazan. Directed by Menahem Golan.

1:00PM ET/12:00 C
Feardotcom

R Time: 101  
An S & M-styled website unlocks a doorway to torturous terrors for its unwitting visitors in this dark horror film. Stephen Dorff stars as a detective investigating a series of mysterious deaths that spark fears of an Ebola outbreak. He teams up with a pretty Department of Health researcher (Natascha McElhone), and together they follow the grisly clues to www.feardotcom.com, a bondage site that is so realistic, it's literally frightening its victims to death by bringing their nightmares to life. Stephen Rea co-stars as the sadistic gorehound who is behind the site's hellish horrors. Also with Udo Kier, Amelia Curtis and Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator). Directed by William Malone; screenplay by Josephine Coyle.

2:45PM ET/1:45 C
Daredevil

PG13 Time: 103  
Left blinded by a childhood accident and orphaned by a vicious crime boss, Matt Murdock (Affleck) has grown up with a single goal in mind: revenge. Based on the classic Marvel Comics character created by Stan Lee and Bill Everett comes this action-drama that follows the adventures of Murdock--a crime-fighting New York City lawyer by day and a masked superhero named Daredevil by night. Led by his ultra-enhanced remaining senses and his incredible acrobatic abilities, Murdock exacts vigilante justice on evildoers who escape the system...while vowing to hunt down the elusive crime lord Kingpin (Michael Clarke Duncan). Jennifer Garner (TV's Alias) and Colin Farrell (Phone Booth) co-star. Written and directed by Mark Steven Johnson (Simon Birch).

4:30PM ET/3:30 C
My Fellow Americans

PG13 Time: 101  
Jack Lemmon and James Garner take winning turns as two rival ex-Presidents beset by misadventure in this "funny, farcical spoof of Presidential mediocrity" (N.Y. Times). Penny-pinching Lemmon and lady-pinching Garner hate each other with an executive vengeance, but with a killer scandal on their heads and murderous goons on their tails, they're forced to hit the road together with hilarious results. With Dan Aykroyd, Lauren Bacall, John Heard and Wilford Brimley.

6:15PM ET/5:15 C
Dreamcatcher

R Time: 133  
Stephen King's nerve-wracking novel is the basis for this shocker that chronicles the otherworldly horrors experienced by four old friends during a hunting trip in the woods. Thomas Jane, Jason Lee, Damian Lewis and Timothy Olyphant star as the quartet who share unique telepathic powers as a result of helping a handicapped boy during their childhood. When they are ensnared by a horrifying alien menace and the subsequent military cover-up, they realize that only those abilities--and their old pal--can help them survive. Morgan Freeman co-stars as a power-mad Army commander who will stop at nothing to end the crisis. Also with Tom Sizemore and Donnie Wahlberg. Directed by Lawrence Kasdan; screenplay by William Goldman and Kasdan.

8:30PM ET/7:30 C
Kangaroo Jack

PG Time: 89  
Two luckless pals chase a wild kangaroo through the Australian Outback when it hops off wearing a jacket pocketed with mob money in this delightful family comedy. When best friends Louis and Charlie accidentally get on the wrong side of Charlie's mob boss stepfather (Christopher Walken), the crime king gives the friends a business assignment--deliver a wad of cash to an associate in Australia. Once in the Outback, the pair have an unexpected crash involving a kangaroo which presents a great photo op--until the stunned marsupial hops away wearing Louis's jacket with the all-important loot in the pocket! With the help of a beautiful wildlife expert, Charlie and Louis pursue the brutish "Jackie Legs" while trying to elude the mob thugs on their tail. Starring Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren, Michael Shannon and Christopher Walken. Written by Steve Bing and Scott Rosenberg, based on a story by Steve Bing and Barry O'Brien. Directed by David McNally.

10:00PM ET/9:00 C
28 Days Later

R Time: 113  
A virus that transforms humans into bloodthirsty, rage-filled zombies eradicates all but a handful of survivors in this acclaimed shocker from director Danny Boyle (Trainspotting). Jim (Cillian Murphy) awakens from a coma to discover a London eerily devoid of human life...but filled with frighteningly frenzied ghouls. He joins fellow survivors Selena, Frank and Frank's young daughter Hannah and together they attempt to navigate their way toward the source of a radio broadcast that promises help. But what that they find may pose an even greater threat than the crazed creatures that creep about in the city. With Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston, Megan Burns and Brendan Gleeson. Screenplay by Alex Garland.

2:00AM ET/1:00 C
Tart

R Time: 91  
Social climbing leads to big trouble for a fourteen-year-old Manhattan girl named Cat. After her best friend in prep school is expelled for cocaine possession, Cat makes her way into the in crowd to get close to a rich, dangerous boy named William. That's when her real problems begin. With Dominique Swain, Brad Renfro, Bijou Phillips, Melanie Griffith.

3:30AM ET/2:30 C
Dreamcatcher

R Time: 133  
Stephen King's nerve-wracking novel is the basis for this shocker that chronicles the otherworldly horrors experienced by four old friends during a hunting trip in the woods. Thomas Jane, Jason Lee, Damian Lewis and Timothy Olyphant star as the quartet who share unique telepathic powers as a result of helping a handicapped boy during their childhood. When they are ensnared by a horrifying alien menace and the subsequent military cover-up, they realize that only those abilities--and their old pal--can help them survive. Morgan Freeman co-stars as a power-mad Army commander who will stop at nothing to end the crisis. Also with Tom Sizemore and Donnie Wahlberg. Directed by Lawrence Kasdan; screenplay by William Goldman and Kasdan.
 

6:30AM ET/5:30 C
Good Burger

PG Time: 95
Honest Ed and lazy Dexter love the little fast-food joint they work for, so it's no wonder they go bonkers when a big burger empire threatens to fry the place. Laughs are well-done in this good-natured comedy.

8:15AM ET/7:15 C
The 'burbs

PG Time: 101
Tom Hanks stars as a stressed-out suburbanite who vacations at home in order to spy on his bizarre new neighbors in this dark comedy directed by Joe Dante (The Howling, Gremlins). Carrie Fisher, Bruce Dern, Corey Feldman and Dick Miller co-star.

10:00AM ET/9:00 C
The Ring

PG13 Time: 115
"Seven days," a chilling voice snarls over the telephone. For investigative reporter Rachel Keller, the words are a death sentence. Naomi Watts stars as the scribe whose investigation into a legendary videotape--one that supposedly kills you one week after you watch it--takes a terrifying turn after she views it's contents. Haunted by bizarre visions, Rachel desperately races to uncover the dark secrets of the tape's origin before its evil curse comes to claim her. Martin Henderson and Brian Cox co-star in this blockbuster horror film remake of the Japanese hit Ringu. Directed by Gore Verbinski (The Mexican).

12:00PM ET/11:00 C
Stay Tuned

PG Time: 88
Couch potatoes beware! If you watch too much TV, you might end up like John Ritter and Pam Dawber in this "wonderfully silly... zippy action spoof" (Washington Post). Sold a 666-channel cable system by a fast-talking salesman (who's really the Devil!), they're zapped into TV land, where they become part of programs like "Wayne's Underworld," "I Love Lucifer," "Sadistic Hidden Videos" and "3 Men and Rosemary's Baby"! With Jeffrey Jones (Beetlejuice) and Eugene Levy.

1:30PM ET/12:30 C
Minority Report

PG13 Time: 145
Director Steven Spielberg and star Tom Cruise form a superstar team in this fantastic futuristic tale about a cop who turns fugitive after the crime-forecasting unit in which he works predicts he will commit a murder. John Anderton (Cruise) is the Chief of "Pre-Crime," a police division that taps into the brains of three pre-cognitive humans (pre-cogs) to predict and stop deadly crimes before they happen. The result is a society that hasn't had a murder in six years, but when the pre-cogs deliver a shocking prediction--that Anderton will kill a man--the stunned cop must run for his life while trying to prove the prognostication is wrong. Colin Farrell (Phone Booth), Samantha Morton (Sweet and Lowdown) and Max von Sydow (The Exorcist) co-star. Written by Scott Frank and Jon Cohen; based on a short story by Philip K. Dick (Blade Runner). "A triumph...four stars" (Roger Ebert).

4:00PM ET/3:00 C
Johnny English

PG Time: 87
"Mr. Bean goes 007" (Variety) in this riotous James Bond spoof starring British funnyman Rowan Atkinson as a screwball spy. Johnny English (Atkinson) is a small fry in the British Secret Service until his incredible ineptitude results in the deaths of every agent above him. With no one else to turn to, the powers that be have no choice but to promote English...who promptly allows the Crown Jewels to be stolen under his watch. But since there's no one else, it's up to English, his partner Bough and a pretty Interpol agent to stop the archvillain who is behind the theft. With John Malkovich, Natalie Imbruglia and Ben Miller. Directed by Peter Howitt; screenplay by Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and William Davies.

5:30PM ET/4:30 C
Stuart Little 2

PG Time: 77
Stuart the mouse is led by his heart on a series of spectacular adventures after he meets a pretty little bird in this fun-filled live-action/animated sequel. Though Stuart has become happily ensconced in the Little family in New York City, he still longs for a mate of his own size. When a wounded bird named Margalo literally drops into his lap, it seems all of his prayers have been answered...until Margalo's dubious affiliation with a mean falcon becomes clear! Geena Davis and Hugh Laurie reprise their roles from the first film as Stuart's ultra-upbeat human parents, while Jonathan Lipnicki (Jerry Maguire) returns as his "big" brother. Directed by Rob Minkoff, story by Douglas Wick and Bruce Joel Rubin, screenplay by Bruce Joel Rubin.

7:00PM ET/6:00 C
The Ring

PG13 Time: 115
"Seven days," a chilling voice snarls over the telephone. For investigative reporter Rachel Keller, the words are a death sentence. Naomi Watts stars as the scribe whose investigation into a legendary videotape--one that supposedly kills you one week after you watch it--takes a terrifying turn after she views it's contents. Haunted by bizarre visions, Rachel desperately races to uncover the dark secrets of the tape's origin before its evil curse comes to claim her. Martin Henderson and Brian Cox co-star in this blockbuster horror film remake of the Japanese hit Ringu. Directed by Gore Verbinski (The Mexican).

9:00PM ET/8:00 C
Six Feet Under 50: The Bomb Shelter

TVMA Time: 48
Ruth is giddy about going to a tantric workshop with George, who retreats to the family's emergency shelter. Meanwhile, David's last bite at a sushi restaurant threatens to cost him--and Keith--a lot more than the bill; Nate drops a bomb on Barb, which sparks a counterattack; Claire fights Russell over credit for her latest photos; Margaret's hospital stay helps Brenda and Billy begin to heal their rift; and Vanessa shows she can beat Federico at his own game.

12:30AM ET/11:30 C
Johnny English

PG Time: 87
"Mr. Bean goes 007" (Variety) in this riotous James Bond spoof starring British funnyman Rowan Atkinson as a screwball spy. Johnny English (Atkinson) is a small fry in the British Secret Service until his incredible ineptitude results in the deaths of every agent above him. With no one else to turn to, the powers that be have no choice but to promote English...who promptly allows the Crown Jewels to be stolen under his watch. But since there's no one else, it's up to English, his partner Bough and a pretty Interpol agent to stop the archvillain who is behind the theft. With John Malkovich, Natalie Imbruglia and Ben Miller. Directed by Peter Howitt; screenplay by Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and William Davies.

2:00AM ET/1:00 C
Burglar

R Time: 101
It's a crime how good Whoopi Goldberg is at stealing a scene--and she's grandly larcenous in this dizzy comedy caper as a cat burglar on the lam. An ex-con bookstore owner in San Francisco, Whoopi is blackmailed into going back into business. After one last jewelry heist, she finds herself in a 14-carat frame-up for murder. Aided by dippy pal Bob Goldthwait (Police Academy), Whoopi is chased around town while she chases down the real killer. Frantic fun, with Lesley Ann Warren.

4:15AM ET/3:15 C
Last Night

R Time: 94
It's the end of the world as we know it...and the citizens of Toronto have various feelings about it. With the knowledge that only six hours are left, some people decide to party or commit crimes, one family gathers for a Christmas dinner, and one man attempts to fulfill all of his sexual fantasies. Amidst all of the chaos, a man who wants to spend the evening alone meets a woman in search of her husband. These two strangers may spend their last night achieving the kind of understanding unique to the soon-to-be-extinct human race. With Don McKellar (who also wrote and directed), Sandra Oh (HBO's Arli$$), Callum Keith Rennie, Sarah Polley (Go), David Cronenberg (director of Crash).
 

10:05AM ET/9:05 C
How to Get Ahead in Advertising

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Stereo
R 1h 35m
The play on words that is its title is a clue to the tone of this offbeat, "Monty Python"-esque British comedy starring Richard E. Grant as Denis, an advertising executive having a little trouble coming up with an effective slogan to sell a new anti-boil cream. So stressed is he that Denis grows a boil of his own - one that quickly develops a tart-tongued personality. Rachel Ward costars in this decidedly off-kilter, insanely funny import.

11:45AM ET/10:45 C
The Emperor's New Clothes

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
PG 1h 47m
An ingenious game of "what if" lies at the heart of this gentle comedy/fantasy directed by Alan Taylor. In this alternative take on history, Napoleon (Ian Holm in a dual role) escapes exile on St. Helena when he and his supporters convince a minor deck-hand to double for him in captivity. The emperor will return to France, the ruse will be revealed, and Napoleon will return to power. Or that's the plan. Alas, it seems captivity has its allures and Bonaparte's doppelganger begins to enjoy his new persona. "Delightful" - "Los Angeles Times."

1:35PM ET/12:35 C
Clifford

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Stereo / CCAP
PG 1h 30m
He's funny, he's obnoxious, he's Martin Short, and he's ten years old. Ten years old? That's right, ten years old, and he's out to turn his weary uncle's (Charles Grodin) life upside-down. Kid's stuff gets a whole new meaning in this rather unusual comedy effort. Mary Steenburgen, Dabney Coleman, G.D. Spradlin, Anne Jeffreys, Richard Kind, Jennifer Savidge and Ben Savage costar.

3:15PM ET/2:15 C
Deuces Wild

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
R 1h 37m
From the director of "The Basketball Diaries" comes this blazing drama about New York street gang warfare circa 1958. After their brother died of a drug overdose, Deuces gang members Leon (Stephen Dorff) and Bobby (Brad Renfro) vowed to keep narcotics off their Brooklyn turf - but during a sweltering summer of violence and conflict with a rival outfit called the Vipers theirs is an increasingly tough promise to keep. Matt Dillon, Fairuza Balk, Drea De Matteo, Vincent Pastore, Frankie Muniz and James Franco costar in this pulpy period picture.

5:00PM ET/4:00 C
Swimming With Sharks

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Stereo / CCAP
R 1h 34m
Frank Whaley and Kevin Spacey star in this Hollywood satire about a low-level studio assistant whose abusive, obnoxious boss sets a new standard of underling abuse in a town known for rude behavior - until his long-suffering employee snaps and takes his tormenter hostage. Michelle Forbes and Benicio del Toro costar in this hilarious expose from writer/director George Huang.

6:45PM ET/5:45 C
Die Another Day

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
PG13 2h 13m
The 20th film in the series of James Bond spy thrillers finds Agent 007 (Pierce Brosnan) up against a sinister business tycoon and a disfigured North Korean officer in the race to stop the deployment of a powerful orbital laser. Halle Berry, Rick Yune, Toby Stephens, John Cleese and Rosamund Pike costar in this stylish, breathlessly-paced corker of an action flick from director Lee Tamahori ("The Edge," "Along Came a Spider").

9:00PM ET/8:00 C
Jeffrey

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Stereo
R 1h 34m
A gay Manhattanite (Steven Weber) is compelled by the harsh reality of AIDS to curtail his sexual activity, despite the fact that he's just met the man (Michael T. Weiss) of his dreams in this offbeat comedy based on the play by Paul Rudnick ("Addams Family Values," "In & Out"). Patrick Stewart, Sigourney Weaver and Nathan Lane costar.

1:30AM ET/12:30 C
The Wraith

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Stereo
PG13 1h 33m
Charlie Sheen stars in this eerie sci-fi drama about a gang of car thieves menaced by a mysterious black turbo racing car that seems literally hell-bent on avenging the death of a young teenager. Nick Cassavetes, Sherilyn Fenn, Griffin O'Neal and Randy Quaid costar in this cult classic, a late-night television favorite.

3:15AM ET/2:15 C
Valentino

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Stereo
R 2h 8m
Ken Russell ("Women in Love, "Gothic") directed this absorbing biography of ill-fated screen legend Rudolph Valentino (played by Russian ballet superstar Rudolf Nureyev) and his rise to fame and fortune as a swarthy leading man of the silent movie era. Leslie Caron, Michelle Phillips and Carol Kane costar in this sexy, soapy look at the cinema's first hunk.

5:30AM ET/4:30 C
Swimming With Sharks

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Stereo / CCAP
R 1h 34m
Frank Whaley and Kevin Spacey star in this Hollywood satire about a low-level studio assistant whose abusive, obnoxious boss sets a new standard of underling abuse in a town known for rude behavior - until his long-suffering employee snaps and takes his tormenter hostage. Michelle Forbes and Benicio del Toro costar in this hilarious expose from writer/director George Huang.
 

8:20AM ET/7:20 C
It's Pat

The androgynous title character from "Saturday Night Live" can't hold a job, meets an equally-androgynous significant other, and fends off the advances of a married suitor.

9:45AM ET/8:45 C
Maid in Manhattan

Handsome politico mistakes hotel maid for entrepreneur and falls for her, threatening to derail his senate campaign and her aspirations to management.

11:35AM ET/10:35 C
Michael

A contemporary tale about a scruffy, hard-drinking slam-dancing archangel who comes to earth and charmingly straightens out everyone's troubles.

1:30PM ET/12:30 C
Hollywood Homicide

Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett are mismatched L.A. cops whose second careers continually interfere with their detective work.

5:30PM ET/4:30 C
Anything But Love

Andrew McCarthy and Isabel Rose star in this romantic musical in which a cabaret singer must decide between true love and the promise of a financially secure future.

7:10PM ET/6:10 C
Maid in Manhattan

Handsome politico mistakes hotel maid for entrepreneur and falls for her, threatening to derail his senate campaign and her aspirations to management.

9:00PM ET/8:00 C
Hollywood Homicide

Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett are mismatched L.A. cops whose second careers continually interfere with their detective work.

11:00PM ET/10:00 C
Final Destination 2

After a horrifying premonition of a car accident, a young woman saves herself and others from their deaths. But has she really outcheated death?

2:00AM ET/1:00 C
What's Love Got To Do With It

Biography of Tina Turner (Angela Bassett) including her volatile relationship with Ike Turner.

4:00AM ET/3:00 C
Final Destination 2

After a horrifying premonition of a car accident, a young woman saves herself and others from their deaths. But has she really outcheated death?
 

6:35AM ET/5:35 C
Lucky Break

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
PG13 1h 49m
Peter Cattaneo ("The Full Monty") directs this British comedy starring James Nesbitt as Jimmy Hands, a raffish robber assigned to a grim correctional facility. When the prison's governor (Christopher Plummer) is persuaded to stage a production of a misguided musical based on the story of Admiral Nelson and Lady Emma Hamilton, Jimmy and his buddies seize the opportunity to plan a jailbreak. However, complicating matters is a lovely therapist (Olivia Williams), who, cast as Jimmy's costar, steals his heart. Timothy Spall and Lennie James costar.

8:25AM ET/7:25 C
Romeo And Juliet (1968)

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
CCAP
PG 2h 18m
Director Franco Zeffirelli's acclaimed adaptation of Shakespeare's classic costars Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting as the tragic young lovers denied a shared future by their antagonistic families. Michael York and Milo O'Shea costar in this lavish Oscar winner.

12:35AM ET/11:35 C
Perfect

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Stereo / CCAP
R 2h 1m
John Travolta stars as a "Rolling Stone" reporter that falls in love with the aerobics instructor (Jamie Lee Curtis) whom he's about to trash in an upcoming expose of the Los Angeles health club scene. Director James Bridges' drama costars Carly Simon, Marilu Henner, Laraine Newman, Anne DeSalvo, Stefan Gierasch, David Paymer and real-life "Rolling Stone" editor-publisher Jann Wenner as himself. Bridges cowrote the screenplay with reporter Aaron Latham.

2:35PM ET/1:35 C
Lucky Break

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
PG13 1h 49m
Peter Cattaneo ("The Full Monty") directs this British comedy starring James Nesbitt as Jimmy Hands, a raffish robber assigned to a grim correctional facility. When the prison's governor (Christopher Plummer) is persuaded to stage a production of a misguided musical based on the story of Admiral Nelson and Lady Emma Hamilton, Jimmy and his buddies seize the opportunity to plan a jailbreak. However, complicating matters is a lovely therapist (Olivia Williams), who, cast as Jimmy's costar, steals his heart. Timothy Spall and Lennie James costar.

4:30PM ET/3:30 C
Bark

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
R 1h 39m
When life gets the better of a professional pet sitter (Heather Morgan, who also wrote the screenplay), her original solution is to revert to canine behavior. Barks, teeth-baring growls and curious sniffing are now her preferred human interaction. Worried that their marriage is going to the dogs, her husband (Lee Tergesen) enlists the help of a psychiatrist (Vincent D'Onofrio) and, logically, his veterinarian (Lisa Kudrow). Kasia Adamik (daughter of renowned filmmaker Agnieszka Holland) makes her directorial debut with this absurdist comedy.

8:00PM ET/7:00 C
Just a Kiss

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Stereo / CCAP
R 1h 31m
A fateful kiss between a dancer (Marley Shelton) and a director of TV commercials (Ron Eldard) sets off a series of sexual and emotional misunderstandings among a group of young New Yorkers, who are each faced with the classic quandary: "To cheat or not to cheat?" Veteran actor Fisher Stevens directs this Kafkaesque romantic comedy penned by Patrick Breen, (who also appears on-screen in a supporting role) with a cast that includes Kyra Sedgwick, Marisa Tomei and Zoe Caldwell, as well as artful and sensual scenes of rotoscoped animation.

9:30PM ET/8:30 C
Lucky Break

WIDESCREEN OAR HDTV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
PG13 1h 49m
Peter Cattaneo ("The Full Monty") directs this British comedy starring James Nesbitt as Jimmy Hands, a raffish robber assigned to a grim correctional facility. When the prison's governor (Christopher Plummer) is persuaded to stage a production of a misguided musical based on the story of Admiral Nelson and Lady Emma Hamilton, Jimmy and his buddies seize the opportunity to plan a jailbreak. However, complicating matters is a lovely therapist (Olivia Williams), who, cast as Jimmy's costar, steals his heart. Timothy Spall and Lennie James costar.

4:45AM ET/3:45 C
Bark

WIDESCREEN OAR UPCONV
Dolby Digital 5.1 / CCAP
R 1h 39m
When life gets the better of a professional pet sitter (Heather Morgan, who also wrote the screenplay), her original solution is to revert to canine behavior. Barks, teeth-baring growls and curious sniffing are now her preferred human interaction. Worried that their marriage is going to the dogs, her husband (Lee Tergesen) enlists the help of a psychiatrist (Vincent D'Onofrio) and, logically, his veterinarian (Lisa Kudrow). Kasia Adamik (daughter of renowned filmmaker Agnieszka Holland) makes her directorial debut with this absurdist comedy.
 

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